The rest of the boat trip:

We cruised out to an island with a lookout point on it so we could overlook the entire bay. This was fun, except it was all damp and foggy, I was sick as a dog, and we had to climb up about five hundred stairs to get to the top. But when we got to the top it was totally completely sort of worth it. We could see a lot of rock formations, but it wasn’t as epic as it could have been because of the fog. But it was exactly how it looks in magazines and movies, like giant fangs of rock jutting out of green water. Very impressive. This island also had a beach where we were told we could go swimming, but this leads to the part of the trip that was a bit of a bummer. The water in and around Halong Bay is completely trashed. There are so many boats that a layer of gasoline exists over almost every square inch of water, along with plastic bags and Pringles cans and various other forms of human garbage. So the bay looks awesome from look out points and from a distance, but when you get down close it’s pretty damn nasty.

So we got back on the ship and took it to a giant rock island riddled with a cave system that you can walk through. This is where we came even closer to dying than at the pier. We were once again in our little rowboat maneuvering through the giant ships to get to the dock. Somehow we got positioned so that one boat was coming towards us from the island, and two were coming up behind us towards the island. We were in the slot formed by the two boats coming towards the island and the third one was going to slide in between them, narrowly missing both. We were caught in the middle. It seems very dangerous to me. But that’s how they roll. As the boat in front was steaming towards us we saw a member of their crew up on their deck looking down on us. He was just sitting in a deck chair looking at us. We thought it would have been obvious that he should tell his captain that they were about to kill twelve people, but I guess it wasn’t. Finally our guide started waving at him and screaming and he got the idea. He yelled to his captain and the boat started slowing down. I still thought they were going to hit us and mash us into one of the other boats. I was once again sorry about the toe nail clippings. I was honestly considering grabbing Angelica and telling her to hold her breath as long as she could and diving under the water. But the boat slowed down just enough. They sent a giant wave of water over our side and into the boat. Once again Colleen had to push us off. Even our guide was freaked out which says a lot.

We survived and made it into the cave. It was all geological and shit. I remembered two things from my time as a geologist. You can tell which ones are stalactites and which ones are stalagmites because stalactites have to hang on tight to the ceiling or else they’ll fall. I forget what the other thing I remembered was.

Our guide had a little laser pointer and he kept pointing it at formations that looked like things. There was a hawk, a turtle, amazingly enough Napolean Bonaparte, and several others. I kept pointing out the ones that looked like giant penises and boobs, but only Jayson laughed (I really only did this once and quiet enough so that only Jayson could hear). Finally we got to a formation that looked like the Happy Buddha. This is a big jolly fat man, and you rub his stomach for good luck. I rubbed my stomach and said quietly to Jayson “happy Buddha.” The guide overheard this and pointed the laser at my stomach and said “Ha ha ha ha Happy Buddha.” This got a big laugh from our group, and another group of French tourists following with us. I let everyone rub my stomach.

We went back to our boat, thankfully no near death experiences this time. Spent the night playing more euker and fishing for squid. Since there are probably no squid in the Halong Bay left, nor could they probably survive on Halong Bays mixture of 70% water, 20% gasoline, and 10% other, I feel like this is a joke the boat crews play on their passengers. Every ship had these bright spotlights that are supposed to attract squid. Then we had long poles with a lure on the end that the squid are supposed to latch onto. Jayson and I stuck with it for a good hour before stowing the poles.

Then we went to sleep. I did not get sea sick. But we still have several boat rides left in this trip. Pray for me.