Ok, the last part about the boat trip I swear:

We took our little rowboat to a crevice in the rock, we paddled through this crevice and found ourselves in a giant hidden cove. Like being in a bowl of bright green soup. A bowl of soup for giants. But for giants that like a thin layer of gasoline and garbage on their soup. See if I was a giant I would order the gasoline and garbage on the side, then you could control how much you wanted. It sounds like I’m being really negative, but it was a really beautiful spot, and we were the first ones in there so it was completely quiet and serene, except for when I sneezed, or blew my nose really loudly, a beautiful sound made even more beautiful by the echoing effect that followed. And then we were on our way back to Halong Bay. Then a three hour bus trip back to Hanoi.